I don’t really have any kind of plan or pattern to writing. I don’t have a method or plan of attack, generally I just play it by ear. This isn’t exactly the best way, but I’ve always found I tend to flounder and get stuck with a sort of ‘analysis paralysis’ if I think things out to far or try and plan to exhaustively. I’m historically terrible at estimating deadlines or any kind of project management, so I’m a little confused as to why I’m trying to do so this time around for the coming NaNoWriMo.
Maybe it’s because this novel I’m writing this time I’m actually serious about trying to publish. Maybe I’m insane to think I can, to be honest, I’m riddled with doubts, I’m not sure I’m in love with this story in the same way I have been with previous works. I dunno, gah! Doubts, doubts, doubts.
Regardless, I’m going to tackle it head on and make myself go through the effort of multiple drafts and revisions. So far I’ve mapped out character, event and location relationships using some mind mapping software and I’ve slowly been making a list of various plot points I want to address. I’m still a little hazy on a lot of the specifics of the plot developments but I’m planning on expanding on the points I have – not writing the story and ‘cheating’ at NaNoWriMo, but rather just writing slightly more detailed story cards, brief scene coverage and more detailed notes about what is going on between the characters at that point in time. I’m going to start drumming up some character cards as well, making something akin to character sheets from roleplaying games.
I tend to find that I can be a lot more organised and creative when I can organise my ideas visually and more important, spatially. Playing with some physical cards, organising things, making patterns I can actually see and move with my hands – I think it’ll help. Then again, maybe it wont, it’s not something I’ve done before and maybe I’m invested in it merely as a kind of crutch, hoping it will save a story I secretly believe is doomed to fail.
One thing I do know is that I should stop double-guessing myself and just fucking do it.
It going to be harder than ever this year though. Last year I wasn’t going to be at one of the i-Series LAN gaming events and last year I didn’t have minecraft eating my soul and every spare minute of my time. It’s going to be fun this year though and even though I’m dreading it, I’m really looking forwards to actually writing properly rather than whenever I feel it, on a whim, without any real goals or developing existing works rather than constantly churning out new ideas and leaving them without an ending or most of the time without a middle or much of a beginning either. Writing something with a proper goal in mind is important and exciting but it’s scary too, ugh.
Well, I need to come up with another 250 words to bring myself up to this days total if I want to stay on a roll. Sustaining 750 words a day has suddenly become hard. I’ve also suddenly started playing minecraft, yeah… correlation in this case definitely does mean causation I’m thinking. I’m also not exactly writing without distractions at the moment either. Last one I wrote whilst at work and needed to go and get lunch in the middle of it, now I’m writing while watching TV and yeah, it isn’t working.
Ugh 150 words now. It’s not even NaNo yet and I’m already struggling. There is no hope for me. I need to find something to kick my arse, the trouble is the reward thing doesn’t really work with me because meh, I can do without, after all I don’t have the thing now and so I’m fine to do without. A problem with the whole Epicureanistic mindset I guess. I’m just going to have to focus on the sheer awesomeness of what it will be to get published or the not quite as much awesome, but still pretty good thing of getting an agent or publisher at least show some interest or the lesser still, but none the less satisfying set of rejection letters from agents and/or publishers. Getting a response at all would be a good thing, it means that I’m actually a real writer rather than just a poser that churns stuff out but doesn’t actually write.