No More NaNo
Okay, NaNoWriMo just isn’t for me. I’ve tried, oh how I’ve tried, but it just isn’t happening. This is my 7th or 8th attempt now and like all but 1 its ending in failure. This November I was just too busy, the i-series event just took it out of me and I didn’t recover until I was almost 20000 words behind and even then still felt too mentally drained to be fully creative.
Furthermore, my story sucked. I never got any of the research or organisation stuff I wanted done and so it was utterly, utterly terrible. While that didn’t bother me per se, it made starting writing again hard as the compromise I have with my inner editor is that I will at least try and maintain continuity which necessitates re-reading what I’ve written to remember where I am in the story. Reading you own writing and hating it is incredibly demoralising though and so that’s part of the reason I’m calling it a day.
To be honest, I think I’m throwing in the towel permanently. Winning NaNoWriMo is definitely the excepting to the rules with me and being that I’m often so busy in November I just don’t have the time and this on-going illness of mine really doesn’t benefit from the stress of the challenge. Frankly, I’m not getting anything out of it any more, which is sad because I really did enjoy it and so sadly I have to bud BaNo adeiu until my life has room for it again. I’ll keep on writing of course, but at my own pace on my own terms.
Farewell NaNo, it was fun.
jade 6:59 pm on December 13, 2010 Permalink
i found with my psychical illness that everything just became effort, and then the psysical became psycological, depression and genral brain fog came with my diegnosis of fibromyalgia but also depression came with my later diegnosis of BPD, and concentration went with the later later DX of schizotypal disorder(like schizophrenia but with a mood disorder to boot) all that and the tim since then and now things in my life have just got fewer and fewer, you know like having to leave uni because i just coudnt concentrate anymore ect, which adds to depression and becomes a circle or a rut.
all i can say is its good you still have stuff to do, because it helps, you dont want to oneday wake up and just want to stay in bed because quess what there is no point. i think your doing amazing with everything you have to do, plus want to do, all along with your illness, you carry on, and thats great, i wish i had the same.. motivation.
ive been out of education for a year and abit now and well i havnt worked in forever, and mostly i feel guilty and just plane bored out of my mind, heh people who know me think it must be great not having responsablitys, but id trade any day, these days i pray i had a job where i was good at it and responsable.
anyway, i think just as long as you kep doing somthing.. anything it will be good for you and your sleep, depression and even the psysical stuff.
just dont get into the thought that if you stopp doing somthing you have always done that you must be ill and this is the point of no return, fuck that.. it isnt, you carry on writing and im sureoneday youll do nano again.
i dont know why im rambling on at you about this, but i guess from my own experience i just wanted you to know that being ill dosnt make you some kind of crippled ghost.
im sure even i will be doing somthing oneday, after therepy who knows… anyway sorry im rubbish at typing, sorry if this made no sence whatso ever.. my cognition is totally fucked because of my DX you know.. ranting and raving noncence
anyway just wanted to say chin up really, but in a really long round about way.
-jade, ps say i said hi to dru and hope shes ok too.