Sonic 4 – Be Disappointed, fast!

I am incredibly disappointed right now. It all seemed so perfect, a return to the original recipe, that perfect mix of features but with a new, modern twist but it was all for nothing.

Sonic 4 is terrible. Utterly, utterly terrible.

It’s like they’ve missed the point of the game entirely. The original 2D Sonic the Hedgehog games were a mix of two things; Speed and Jumping. Sonic 4 has some speed but the jumping is absolutely awful. Jumping in the original Sonic games was beautiful, it curled you into a ball, protecting you; you could manoeuvre in the air almost effortlessly; you bounced of things, imparting more momentum and giving you the opportunity to chain attacks together by repeatedly bouncing from one bad guy to the next.

In Sonic 4, all of that has gone. Most of the jump when you jump, you aren’t a ball – you fall uncurled and vulnerable. You can’t bounce on anything with any kind of momentum, the bouncing mechanism having been replaced by a horrible, horrible homing system that sends you crashing into a target. It completely changes the game, slowing the pace considerably, which for a game all about speed is extremely disappointing. Air control is awful, horizontal control in mid-air is nearly non-existent which makes something as simple as jumping from one platform to the next a pain. Worse, it feels completely unnatural, like you are being buffeted on both sides by wind when in mid air.

Speedwise, the game seems slower and worse, the spin dash is awful, most of the time it’s actually faster to run rather than dash, curling into a ball actually slows you down half the time. It’s ridiculous and I can’t fathom why such a decision was allowed – in the old games you were a fool to ever be uncurled, you’d spend 90% of the game in a ball, bouncing or rolling along at speed, not running around vulnerable. Instead, it doesn’t feel like a Sonic game at all but a bad knock up, a poor facsimile that is more insulting to the memory of the original games than a homage.

The worst though is that I had such high hopes for it. A return to Sonic’s roots after the awful 3D games, a focus and speed and skill and nothing else. The physics of the original games were pure genius and Sonic 3 & Knuckles will remain one of my favourite games for all time. This monstrosity though seems like a bad fusion of Sonic 1 & 2, taking the worst from both and combining that with everything that was wrong with the 3D games, but in a 2D environment. I am crushed and I feel like a fool for hoping that there could be another Sonic game to rival, or at least live up to Sonic 3 & Knuckles. That I was mistaken after investing so much hope is soul-shattering.

I don’t like the new graphics either. The old 16-bit graphics had a gritty, fun quality to them that seemed more real somehow. The textures and patterns they’ve used for the HD version make it look like everything is made of plastic stickers stuck on acetate, the worlds feel fake, the movement through them feels uninspired and dull. I was hoping for more crisp visuals in a 16-bit style but instead got shiny plastic with no character or soul. There is no substance to any of the graphics, they just feel like images moving on a screen rather than part of a rich interactive environment.

Worse than the graphics though is the music. It is absolutely abysmal. I’d go so far as to say it’s insulting, the music having a horribly patronising childish quality to it like what I’d expect from a cartoon for toddlers. It’s just poor and I don’t like listening to it. The Boss stage music is particularly offensive.

The sprites all suffer from the same crappy plasticity as the levels and Sonic looks terrible, the developers deciding to try and use the newer-style Sonic form the 3D games rather than the classic one. The boss battles and the animations of Robotnik (I’m not calling him Eggman) are shit, they look terrible and the animators haven’t seemed to have taken into account physics when doing some of the animations, so they look weird and unnatural.

I don’t know how they could have gone so wrong with this, but I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. Sega have been shitting on the Sonic brand since they made the jump to 3D, it was foolish of me to hope that it could be revived. If you are new to 2D Sonic and are between the ages of 6-8, you might like it with it’s shiny looks and childish music. If you’re at all like me, you’ll be bitterly, bitterly disappointed. I feel so completely cheated. There are no words.

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